Step 1: Realize that not everyone on your team can be Wayne Gretzky (before he got all faily)

Truths About Crappy Players:
• Your Crappy Player is in the NHL, and you are not. Therefore your Crappy Player is still a better player than you.
• Your Crappy Player may nor actually be that Crappy. It may just be your team. Note Colby Armstrong, who was a Crappy Pittsburgh Penguin, but got traded and is now a Not Half Bad Atlanta Thrasher.
• Your Crappy Player may be injured. This happens occasionally when Crappy Players try to be heroes, then KEEP trying to be heroes post-injury by trying to keep playing.
• Your Crappy Player may have personal issues. These may relate to his hair, the fact that he gains weight primarily in his face, his marital infidelity problems, his wife’s sister, his wife’s brother, his puppy, or his perceived religious failings. Crappy Players in this situation often snap out of it, but may need a diet or couples counselling.
• Your Crappy Player may be an AHL level callup. These guys are either learning how not to be Crappy Players or are in the AHL because they were Crappy NHL Players. Cut them some slack. Note Adam McQuaid. Quite possibly peed himself playing against the Chicago Blackhawks….. in his SECOND NHL GAME EVER.

Embrace your Crappy Player:
• Crappy Players need to be believed in, like fairies. If you clap for them, sometimes they will be less Crappy.
• Crappy Players are sometimes more appreciative of signs that Awesome Players, because they don’t often get them.
• Crappy Players often blossom when believed in. Eric Fehr was a Crappy Player a year ago who is now on the run to double his personal best for goals in a year.

Step 2:

Don’t Be a Jerk Fan.
Provoking a Crappy Player face to face and letting them know that they are a Crappy Player is a great way to be tagged as a Jerk Fan. If you must provoke a Crappy Player, make it funny, and do it via sign. Then everyone can see you and make their own minds up on whether you’re a Jerk Fan or a Witty Sign Person. If all you do is provoke Crappy Players, you’re probably a Jerk Fan.

Other signs of Jerk Fandom may include, but are not limited to:

• Having your own name on your jersey.
• Replacing the name on a jersey with commentary about the player, crappy or not
• Yelling “SHOOT IT.”
• Calling for a penalty that shouldn’t be a penalty. Sometimes people JUST FALL DOWN.

Step 3:

• Spay and neuter your Jerk Fans. The last thing we need is more Jerk Fans in the arena.
• Please do not feed the Crappy Players. They are on strictly controlled diets and do not need your chocolate encouragement. Their trainers will get mad.
• Do not taunt, poke, or throw things at Crappy Players in their natural habitats. Security will get mad, and the Crappy Players’ self esteem will go down.

Enjoy the game!