All-Stars and Girly Shirts
January 27, 2008 | Filed in: Uncategorized

Having cheated myself out of the Bears game tonight by not listening to the little voice in my head that said “go put tickets on will call, it’ll be sold out!” I’m instead watching the All-Star skills.

However, I don’t think I’m going to blog them, as I’m not going to do it justice at all. Instead, when they start coming in, I’ll point you at IPB or Scarlett Ice, as i know they’re covering it. I’m more worried about the concept of the Alyssa Milano NHL gear that’s coming out.

Okay, okay, yes, it’s an actual woman designing clothes for actual women, but I have a few issues she’s gonna have to get by before I hand over my card of XX Chromosome-d NHL Fan Approval.

Here are four examples of her NHL line that have gotten out:
Maple Leafs vest
Red Wings tunic-dress-shirt
All-Star ruffled hoodie
All-Star raglan

Now, the Leafs vest, not horrible, but she establishes two trends starting with that that I dislike. One, the ruffles. OH DEAR GOD, the ruffles. If she had just left off the extra ruffles on the chestal area, I’d have been sold, really. But I’ll admit to being a very non-ruffly person in general. Two, the logo looks like an afterthought. I, of all people, after my Wachovia experiences, know that there is a time to play Stealth Fan, but at the same time, if I’m spending $50 on a vest from the NHL store, I want it to promote my team, or I might as well just go buy a blue vest somewhere else.

The Red Wings shirt, again, I have an issue with “missing logo.” I’m also unclear where Milano expects girls to wear this. While the vest was obviously functional at a hockey game, this.. well.. isn’t so much, unless you want to push into Puckbunnyville hard core. In fact, it screams “WEAR ME OUT PARTYING,” which the hardcore fan may love to do, but again, I think we’re skirting the puckbunny issue there. I might well wear this with something under it as a shirt to work, but read carefully there. WITH SOMETHING UNDER. AS SHIRT. WORK, not hockey game. Hockey games get sweatshirts, jeans, jerseys, and sneakers. Sorry.

The All-Star hoodie doesn’t seem too bad until you catch the ruffly 3/4 length sleeves. I’m sorry, ick. See above with the ruffly issue. I’d be forever dragging those through foodstuffs and paint and dishwashing and everything. I also object to the meaningless ‘poem’ on the back. I don’t want to be promoting Milano’s “touch” line, I want to be promoting the NHL and my team. Except for the tiny little all-star logo on the front, that’s just one big walking ad for her stuff. I don’t object to her logo or something on it in a non-obtrusive place, but let’s not make the object of the shirt to promote her, mmmkay?

The All Star Raglan, probably the only one of these I’d wear. I’m a big fan of raglans, and this one claims the logo is distressed, not covered in glitter. Not that I object to glitter on principal, but in my experience, the NHL tends to do glitter in overkill. However, looking at this one on Alyssa Milano’s nonexistent body brings me to my other big issue.

Is Alyssa Milano going to be designing for the average female hockey fan or is Alyssa Milano going to be designing for the little cute size 2 female hockey fans? Because contrary to popular belief, I’m not a cute little girl. This derby butt takes some maintaining, and I have a hard enough time finding stuff that fits without dealing with the downsizing of female clothes. There’s also an entire different style-system to take into account when designing for a sized person and not a twig. Seams and closures and even fabric types can make a big difference, and I’m apprehensive to see if even that simple Leafs vest will fit me in anything other than an xxl.

I’m really not trying to slam the Milano line before we really get there, but I wonder how much the NHL has actually stepped back and thought it out. I seriously doubt they had many, if any focus groups on the merchandise with actual female fans, and I don’t want to see them try this, get frustrated if it doesn’t sell, and then decide we’re not a group worth marketing to. Instead guys, come to the source. Ask us what WE want. I have a whole list of NHL brand clothing I’d love to find. I’d wear a shirt with the right kind of cut and a tasteful if stylized logo/image everywhere, to work, to school, yeah, maybe even out partying. Tell you what, I’ll even sketch it up, and when you want to see it, feel free to email me. We’ll tawlk.

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