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Still Beating That Horse.
August 8, 2009 | Filed in: Cap Attack, Feminist Agenda, NHL, OMG, Ultimate Dumbness

Every once in a while, everyone says stupid things-it’s human nature. However, when the stupid things are said about large numbers of specific people, published, spread all over the internet, and not addressed by the powers that be, that’s…. well, sans Internet, that’s how things like WW2 start.

Obviously, without invalidating my argument any further in Godwin’s Law we’re talking about Semyon Varlamov’s inability to keep his fat mouth shut in an interview with OK! Magazine.

The offending quote, as initially translated:

Q:Have any personal admirers emerged?
A:“ have a true love, so I don’t look at any other women. You know, I’m extremely fortunate that I met a Russian girl in America. It’s difficult to look at a lot of the local women. You get the feeling that just don’t take care of themselves! There are an awful lot of heavyset ones. But Russian girls have nice trim figures. I couldn’t imagine myself being with an American girl.”

However, further work by the intrepid Russian-versed Caps fans reveals that the more direct translation is something like “You can’t glance at most local women without crying.” (h/t to Tuvanhillbilly)

Initially, I was more than willing to let this just slide, to write him off as just a young foreign kid who hasn’t been around long enough to figure out what you can and can’t say in an interview, and doesn’t realize how quickly the internet will take things cross-global. But with absolutely no damage control from the Caps camp seemingly forthcoming and no obvious effort on anyone’s part to be like “Uh, Semyon, not in the future,” as well as the fact that the Caps just went through their Red Rocker auditions, I’ve started feeling my panties begin to twist a little.

It just seems to me that there are some serious divisiveness issues happening with the team and their whole concept of female fans and or marketing to females. If the Red Rockers are the public face of the fans, or the fan/team interface, give me someone I can actually identify with. Sorry to say, as I know some of them are probably completely nice ladies, but currently the Rockers all look like the girls I wrote off as spoiled vapid princesses all the way through school. Sadly, from a hockey-fan friend of mine who went to auditions this year, that stereotype is somewhat verified, as she tells stories of auditionees unsure of who the Bears are, who the assistant coaches are, who the captain is, where Brashear has gone, you name it, they didn’t know it. If these girls aren’t well versed in hockey, (and granted, there are some who are, some who have even played before) are they really the people a true female fan wants ‘representing’ them, much less representing the team?

Essentially, by hiring only the perky, semi-dumb, bouncy haired cheerleaders who may or may not know anything about hockey, the Caps are just backing Varly’s comments. They’re offering up some non-tear-inducing women to the guys in the stands, because god forbid one of their male fans sit next to a slightly overweight girl with a brain who doesn’t look like she just came from the Land of the Stepford Cheerleaders and might actually know what was happening in the game.

As a female fan, the team is essentially forcing us into two camps. Between Varley, the Rockers, and their horrible merchandise sizing, there are those who are cute young and pretty and fit in their women’s sweatshirts, and then there are the fat girls who just don’t fit in anywhere in the world of hockey except as generic fans in the stands, forced to find their team gear in the mens section.

This divisiveness between the two “camps” of women isn’t the first time a team has run into the issue of splitting the fanbase. When Sara Palin was doing her Great Puck Drop Tour, there were numerous people in the cities she visited saying that it made for an uncomfortable game- now instead of being fans united behind a team, fans were divided down political lines instead. Now, instead of cheering for the team with Bob who sits next to you, you were cheering with Bob the Republican Moron Who Voted For Bush And Ruined The Country. Obviously, this could add some undue stress in the stands. While the Fat Women v. Skinny Women split isn’t going to be quite as noticeable, trust me, as a woman, you always still see that high school division. And especially for a team like the Caps who are trying to pull women into the fold, bringing up that split again is not the smartest thing to do.

Here’s my proposal. Give us two teams of female faces to promote the Caps. Give us a personality and intellegence team who might not be jiggly in the right places but have the sense of humor and knowledge to do Redline Monday segments and in-game promotions without obviously reading the cue cards. Then, keep eight or so of the Rockers around to jiggle unobtrusively in the corners at games, key word there being unobtrusively. As a broken record: re-size women’s gear to fit us, and start offering things OTHER than beefcake pictures in Club Scarlet… aka give us something we actually want.

And for the love of god, muzzle that goalie before I do it for you.


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What a PR nightmare (one would think) but it seems the Caps, too, have that puckbunny mentality of “let’s keep ‘em perty & stupid”. Guys are threatened by our knowledge of the game! Seems he’s also declared himself the #1 goalie. I liked him better when I didn’t know what he was saying…..

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